I wrote this piece on Father’s Day 2013: http://daddyperry.co.uk/home-sweet-home/fathers-day-wishes/
Not for the first time I find myself pondering the phrase, “be careful what you wish for”. My precious big bear who I encouraged to push the envelope, to question everything, has become a teenager who does not fit in to the secondary school system with it’s firm boundaries that cannot be questioned. We’ll not debate that system here, too big a discussion for a single blog post.
So here we are in 2019, Father’s Day weekend. A divorce in 2016 under my belt, a new relationship, a new home a few miles away and a positive new beginning.
Small bear, also now in secondary school but one of ‘the lads’ who does fit in is in a much better place. Initially more upset by his parents’ breakup, Small has adapted and grown into a very cool kid who has supported his brother brilliantly throughout his difficulties.
For the big bear, these new beginnings, coupled with secondary school, coming out (or being outed by the bullies that have haunted the whole secondary school experience because he’s different), his first relationship & breakup, and a deeply unpleasant first sexual experience have seen him spiral downwards into a pit of anxiety, depression and self harm. I’ve got pictures that make my blood run cold.
It’s all ongoing. CAMHS, school, victim support, we’re doing all we can between us to guide him through these terrible times. The one shining light in the darkness is that, as I’ve always encouraged, he’s talked to us all the way through. He’s told us straight away when he’s taken the pills and called me when the cut needed immediate attention.
In amongst the difficult times there has also been some wonderful ones. Our adventures continue. We’ve camped, surfed in Ireland, Cornwall & Pembrokeshire. Holidayed in Spain, Devon, Dorset. We’ve ridden rollercoasters and flown like Peter Pan attached to just a couple of wires. Big has crowd surfed and moshed and Small has returned to soccer training.
So what do I wish for this Father’s Day? Six years after my previous post?
Peace for both my boys. For them to know, beyond question and reason that their mother and I love them more than we’ve ever loved before. That this wild, crazy, terrible, wonderful, difficult ride called life, is so worth living. And that if they focus more on family, and the good people around them, and less on the negative influences, then they will find their way through.
Love you my boys, all of you, and my princess who’ll move into her own home next month. Peace & love. xx